Fun with Facebook

The Facebook privacy situation is difficult because my relatives are on Facebook. If I quit using it, then I destroy my only way of communicating with them.

After the latest Facebook update, I finally decided to fill out my profile information, which had been (mostly) blank since I joined Facebook. However, the information I used was fake.

Here is my official Facebook biography:

"I hail from the mountains of Mordor and I have a large collection of mismatched socks. As a child I lived in a large variety of places including Aruba, Jamaica, Key Largo, and Montego. A typhoid outbreak forced my family to abandon their dream of reaching Oregon. We settled in the Midwest and I earned my B.S. from the University of Southern North Dakota at Hoople. I am an avid swimmer and I have severe allergies to air and water. I enjoy brevity and long walks off of short piers. My favorite memories are of summers spent in Martinique and Port Au Prince. However, my dream vacation spot is Kokomo."

My favorite quotation (from the Principia Discordia):

"To diverse gods

Do mortals bow;

Holy Cow, and

Wholly Chao."

According to Facebook, I currently live in Poop, Yucatan, Mexico. Poop (also known as Pop) is a real city located near Chichen-Itza. Facebook also believes that my hometown is Weiner, Arkansas (also a real place).

My interests: "Brevity"

My activities: "Taking long walks off of short piers", "Making fun of Mark Zuckerberg", and "43 Man Squamish"

Favorite Music: "Beer and Yo-Yos Saved My Life” by Von Hib

Favorite Books: "Financial Insecurity" by Wilma Moneylast, "Baseball Tales" by Homer, and "All Alone" by Saul E. Terry

Favorite Movies: "Rochelle, Rochelle", "Prognosis Negative", and "Checkmate"

Television: "Monsterpiece Theater", "Mock Trial with J. Reinhold","Mumford the Yodeling Mutt", and "Fershlugginer Theater"

The best part: Facebook's new software creates a page for everything that I add to my profile.

I’ll explain some of the more obscure jokes. Most of the movie titles were fake movies from Seinfeld. 43 Man Squamish and Fershlugginer Theater are Mad magazine references. The song title I used belong to a real song.

What does my Facebook profile prank say about me?

I don’t trust a corporation with my personal information. I don’t think anyone else should either.

I turn to my sense of humor to make best of a difficult situation. There are usually positive things to take out of bad situations. If there aren’t, then my advice is to approach those situations with a positive attitude. Expect the worst and hope for the best.